This second chapter in our journey to being authentic is a BIG one! Let’s look at how we can overcome that ‘Perfection Infection’ from which so many of us suffer. Knowing that we struggle with trying to be the ‘perfect’ mom doesn’t do us much good if don’t have tools to change our way of thinking. This next chapter helps us get those tools – let’s take a look!
No More Perfect Mom – Chapter 2 – The Antidote
In chapter 1 we talked about how as imperfect moms we compare ourselves to others’ seemingly perfect lives. Then we put on a mask to make everyone think we measure up to the standard we’ve convinced ourselves everyone else is holding us to. This Perfection Infection has an antidote. In chapter 2 of No More Perfect Moms, Jill Savage shares just what that antidote is.
In the beginning of the chapter she reminds us that our mask-wearing selves can be harsh, critical and judgmental. We are often full of pride, insecure and full of fear. These are heart issues we need to recognize and change. But how? We must be willing to take off the mask and replace it.
You were taught . . . to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires . . . and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. {Ephesians 4:22-24}
Take off pride, put on humility. Pride robs us of joy, keeps us focused on ourselves. It damages relationships because we have to prove we are right and the other guy (husband, child, friend, etc) is wrong. Pride builds walls and kills intimacy – not a good thing when building a relationship. In this day and age of ‘stand up for your rights’ Mrs. Savage reminds us that in humility there is strength. Submitting to God’s leadership will bring us through, because HE is perfect, therefore we do not need to be. By His grace we will be able to do what we are called to do, without worry of measuring up.
“Courage is not the absence of fear. Instead, it is the determination that something else is more important than the fear” Jill Savage
Having courage is not the same as having no fear. Having courage means you are willing to face what it is that you are fearful of. Face the Myth of Perfection full in the face and look at yourself through God’s eyes. He loves with unconditional love, let Him define who you are. Let Him administer the antidote to the Perfection Infection.
Jill shares her very personal story in this chapter, about a time when she did not want the rest of the world to see what was happening in her life, to her marriage. She knew it was useless to give in to the fear and the pride and she chose to lean on God’s strength and love and wisdom in order to ride out the storm. Her willingness to be publicly honest ministered to many and blessed others who were hurting. Through all this, God brought healing to her own life as well.
Take off insecurity, put on confidence. “Insecurity happens when the voices inside our heads tell us we aren’t enough.” This is so true! As first-time moms (or second, or eighth) we bring home our little bundles of joy and then find ourselves inadequate as a parent. As homeschooling moms we see those young faces looking up at us and we wonder how we’ll ever be able to teach them everything they need to know. Those little voices keep chipping away, convincing us that we can’t . . . we shouldn’t . . . we aren’t . . . [fill in the blank.] When we seek ‘God’-confidence rather than ‘self’-confidence we can silence those voices of insecurity. We’ll then begin hearing a voice that says ‘I can’t, but God can!’
Take off judgement, put on grace. I love how the author uses a real life situation to illustrate how God will use our own experiences to convict us. If we are open and willing to grow and change, He will bring the opportunity. Have you ever judged another mom for being irresponsible and then find yourself doing the exact same thing later? Bingo! That’s what we are talking about. Now, how do we react to that conviction? We can learn from it and the next time be slower to judge and quicker to offer understanding and grace. This blesses the other person and ourselves as well.
Do we have that Perfection Infection throughout our system, causing us to be critical and harsh and judgmental? Or are we choosing to put off these things and instead put on humility, courage and grace?
“Our expectations are often what keep us from enjoying our real lives, our real families, our real bodies, and our real houses. Most of the time our expectations are unrealistic and incongruent with the realities of life. . . I believe we need to change our expectations . . . to better cope with real life.” Jill Savage
Now, grab your favorite summer drink, sit back and join Misty, Mandy and Bridget for a little chat about today’s chapter!
Which mask do you find yourself wearing most often?
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