No More Perfect Moms – A Book Study – Chapter 7

Time for another chapter  of No More Perfect Moms as we continue in our journey to becoming authentic moms! Are you embracing your imperfections and practicing at applying the antidote? Has it helped you improve your relationships with your children, husband, friends? Let’s look today at how we can deal with a not-so-perfect days.

No More Perfect Moms – Chapter 7 – No More Perfect Days

Here’s a true-to-life story of a ‘for real’ morning. It went exactly like this: The alarm does not go off, hubby is late for work. I pour a cup of coffee and figure I can at least accomplish a couple things in the half hour before I wake the children. I find out some blogging tasks that should have been taken care of had not. Yep, time to print out that new blogging planner – oops, I let the download link expire. So much for the $$ I paid and the time I’ve wasted thus far. I start breakfast and give the wake up call and come back to find the cat on the counter eating the eggs out of the pan on the stove. As we clean up breakfast I see we failed to run the dishwasher last night. Move on to starting laundry – blech, a load of sheets soured in the washer. I am now one full hour into my day.

Pour another cup of coffee, sit down with my copy of No More Perfect Moms – I mean, laptop where my digital copy lives (we’re being real, right?) – and take a deep breath. I can choose to grumble and complain or I can choose joy. I can whine about how other moms are in control and have their days so orderly and organized while I flounder or I can decide to take the challenges as they come and rejoice in the victories and praise God it’s only been minor inconveniences thus far. Am I going to beat myself up or cut myself some slack? Jill Savage tells us,

” Instead of getting frustrated, let’s stop expecting a fantasy and instead embrace reality. “

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We talk all the time about being flexible and how important that is. Along with that we need to learn to expect the unexpected, and to be prepared for it. Nearly every year several members of my family get sick after our big Thanksgiving get-together. It’s inevitable. But I don’t put everything on hold, or cancel Thanksgiving. I know it could (probably will) happen so I schedule extra ‘down time’ and have back up plans in place just in case. What are your distractions/emergencies/inconveniences? On any given day it’s possible for one child to call home and need to be picked up, NOW. Baby will dirty his diaper and need a full clothing change plus bath just as it’s time to leave. You start making supper and realize you are out of an essential ingredient.

Let’s be honest here. How many of our days really and truly go according to our plan? Very few. Reminding ourselves of this will defuse our anger, minimize our frustration, set a more positive tone in our homes. We really don’t have control over our days and our plans. We’ve been deceived into thinking this way. “The only control you and I have is self-control, and the Bible says that is a fruit of the Spirit. In other words, we can’t have self-control on our own; it comes from letting God be the real leader of our lives and the manager of our hearts.” (No More Perfect Moms, ch 7)

Expecting the unexpected in our days will keep our hearts soft and flexible, without room for anger and bitterness. We can learn flexibility by adopting the view that a change in our plans is not actually an interruption but an appointment from God. It just might be something He needs you to do or an opportunity for you to minister.

Every day, every hour, every moment we are given the opportunity to decide whether or not to let the distractions control us or to expect the unexpected and roll with it. But how?

• Trust Your Experience. I know it takes me 20 minutes to drive to town. I should plan to leave 30 minutes before I’m expected at my appointment, giving me cushion for those “where are your shoes” moments just before we leave.
• Set Boundaries. I limit my outside evening commitments to 2 or 3 per month. Schedule computer time for certain hour(s) during the day or night, and stick to it. You’ll be more productive and your family will get better quality time from you.
• Say No. We can’t do everything. So don’t try. Take time to think and pray and check your calendar and consult with spouse before saying yes to new (or old!) commitments.
• Increase Time. When children are involved, or many people (hello mom of many!) everything takes longer. It’s one of those things in life you can count on. So pad your daily schedule with extra time on both ends of your tasks.
• Decrease Activities. Does every child really need 3 extracurricular activities each season? Is it really required to attend each and every youth group activity? Leave some empty space on the calendar, and DON’T fill it up!

Does it seem that other moms are keeping up better with their schedules than you are? Are you comparing your inside view with your view of their outside? It isn’t comparable, it isn’t real. That invites the Infection Perfection right back in so let’s apply the Antidote to our imperfect days. Turn from Pride and Embrace Humility – pay attention to how much you are trying to control things, keep it real and ask God for help. Transition from Judgment to Grace – be honest with yourself about your expectations and your reactions when things don’t go according to your plans.

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Time for a chat with my not-quite-perfect-mom friends Bridget, Mandy and Misty – I having been loving their real life conversations, how about you? Every post in this series includes a heart-to-heart with these amazing women!

What will you do today to embrace your beautiful imperfect day?

It’s a gift God has given you, open your eyes and heart and see the beauty, joy and fun rather than disappointment, frustration and interruption.

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